Healing the Heart: The Gifts of Forgiveness
In Egyptian mythology, there is a story that says that when
a person dies, the soul travels to a different dimension to undergo a life
review. In that timeless, space less realm, the god Anubis places the recently
deceased’s astral heart on a scale to weigh it against the feather of truth. If
the heart is lighter than the feather, then the soul is liberated for eternity.
If the heart is heavier than the feather because it is filled with regrets,
resentment, and remorse, then the soul is sent back for another lifetime of
learning and evolution.
This ancient myth offers a powerful message to lighten up .
. . to let go of the emotional burdens that weigh us down, disturb our peace,
and make it difficult to be fully present. For many of us, one of the biggest
emotional burdens we carry is a lack of forgiveness – for others and for
ourselves.
When we hold onto a grievance, shame, anger, or pain from
the past, our entire body mind suffers. Our body produces excessive amounts of
hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, which over time can compromise our
immune system and contribute to cardiovascular disease. Hostility is an
inflammatory emotion and, as researchers have found, the number-one emotional
risk factor for premature death from heart attacks and strokes. Hostility is
also linked to autoimmune disorders. It’s not a coincidence that we speak of
people “dying from a broken heart” or describe a betrayal as “a stab in the
back” or say that a deep loss was “gut wrenching.” As we’ve known for more than
three decades, the body and mind are inextricably connected.
Fortunately, the body mind is incredibly flexible, and when we
let go of the emotional toxicity, our body immediately begins to return to
homeostasis, which is a state of self-healing and self-regulation. On an
emotional level, the benefits of forgiving and releasing the burden of judgment
are valuable beyond compare. In forgiving, we free ourselves from attachments
to the past and we clear encumbrances that constrict our heart, expanding our
ability to love and be loved.
Forgiving is not condoning
It’s common for people to resist forgiving another out of
the belief that forgiveness in some way condones that person’s actions. In our
perspective, forgiveness isn’t about condoning an action that caused pain for
us or others. It doesn’t imply that we tolerate a thief stealing, our partner
cheating, or our child lying. We can forgive even if we refuse to tolerate
someone’s behavior and no longer want that person to be part of our life.
Ultimately forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. We
can benefit from forgiving even if the person we forgive isn’t aware of our
feelings or is even no longer alive. We can find inspiration in the words of
Nelson Mandela, who was imprisoned by the South African government for twenty-seven
years yet emerged without bitterness for his captors. He stated, “As I walked
out the door toward my freedom I knew that if I did not leave all the anger,
hatred and bitterness behind, I would still be in prison.”
Forgiveness happens a layer at a time
Even knowing the value of forgiveness, many people doubt
whether they will ever be able to forgive and let go. Be assured that we all
have the ability to forgive, for it is the nature of life to release toxicity
and return to wholeness. At the same time, forgiveness often doesn’t happen in
one fell swoop. Particularly in cases of deep violation, forgiveness is a
process that requires us to forgive a layer at a time. Sometimes we have to
forgive someone many times before we finally let go of all the emotional
residue of the past. Once we take steps to restore peace in our heart, we will
feel a shift. We will feel lighter as we expand our capacity for love,
compassion, and healing.
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